How to Kill A Church
By R.C. Lawson
- Don’t
come to the meetings.
- If
you do come, come late
- If the weather doesn't suit you, don't think of coming.
- If you do attend a meeting, find fault with the work of the officers and other members.
- Never
accept an office, its better to stay outside and criticize than to do things.
- Nevertheless, get angry if you are not appointed to an office or committee, but if you are, do not attend the meetings.
- If asked by the Pastor to give your opinion regarding some important matter, tell him you have nothing to say. After the meeting is over, tell everyone how things ought to be done, and have been done.
- Do nothing more than is absolutely necessary, but when other members roll up their sleeves and willingly, unselfishly use their ability to help, howl that the church is run by clique.
- Holdback your tithes as long as possible, or don't pay them at all.
- Don't bother about getting new members. Let the Pastor do that.
- When a Saint's Meeting is called, don't come, but go around the next day to find out what went on, get it wrong, tell people that money is being spent by the Pastor, and give the wrong impression to others- all of which makes a big noise and accomplishes nothing but confusion and gossip which kills the Pastor's influence.
- When the meeting is heavy, say the church os dead and there is no power in it.
- Don't take part in anything that might be given, then say that you are slighted and not loved as others are.
- If you do take part, don't give money, or anything which will help. Just be a perpetual nuisance.
- If asked to become an officer in some department, or if asked to be a Sunday School teacher, hypocritically refuse.
- If you do not see every receipt of all the money which is paid out, and know all the business of the church- though not an officer - start a confusion. Then if you are not asked, resign for the church.
- Don't tell the church it ought not to ordain a preacher or missionary, but wait and knock those that are ordained; stir up strife against the Pastor by taking up evil reports against him.
- If you receive a service, that is , if you can hang out at a church when you are in trouble and get the pastor to come and pray for you when you get sick, and also get help spiritually. But don't help financially. Don't connect yourself, so you will not be obligated to do so. Just be a "spiritual hobo" and a panhandler going from church to church.
- If the church doesn't correct every little fault in every member's life(which is impossible) howl that the church is not what it ought to be.
- Keep you eye open for something wrong, and when you find it , scatter it everywhere and threaten to quit the church.
- At every opportunity, say you are going to resign, and get your friends to running with you to every other mission in town.
- When you do attend a meeting, vote to do something, and go home and do the opposite.
- Agree to everything said at the meeting, and disagree with it outside.
- When asked what is wrong with the church , If you have any information, don't give it.
- Tell the preacher off (as it were) for the incompletness of the church.
- Get all that the church will give, and take all that it will do for you, but don't give the church anything but criticism.
